From the inside of the library, the life going on outside appears to be way more interesting then what my mind is supposed to be focusing on at the current moment. But at the very least, I am sittingly warmly in a chair, at a brightly lit desk, next to diligent students balled up at their monitor screens trying to finish their last papers and online tests of the semester.
One more day, just one more day, and I will be finished with my 1st semester senior year. Being a 5th year senior really does take its toll. Every day, getting closer to feeling the grasp of that certificate of accomplishment in your hands. Just a couple more months. There is not much on my mind to reguritate on paper at this moment. I suppose I just want to express my current emotion of the way I feel that this semester has passed, in hopes this new year will not bring about the same happenings.
Virtues and principles that I once thought I valued immensely as to incorporate into my daily life have faded. Faded into short spurts of motivation that barely complete that homework assignment and barely pass that test with a B. What happened? I came in this semester from 8 months of working in the real world as a process engineer, enthusiastic to start this final year strong-willed and with a purpose. Realizing that I thoroughly enjoyed the spontaneity of academic life and the warmth from close friends, I knew it would be something that I would look forward to experiencing again. However, getting back into school was not as simple as I expected. The freedoms once enjoyed after work, were non-existent in academic life, instead were filled by incessant reminders of the following day or week's papers and homework assignments. As a result, my mind and my personality were continually drained of energy, and the principles that I thought I once held steadfast to, began to deterioate as well.
Hardwork, perserverance, leadership, patience, and time management are all skills I thought I had tremendous growth in through these fours year at a university, apparently there is still a lot more sprouting to do. I am ashamed of my accomplishments this semester, I am ashamed at my selfishness, and I am ashamed of progress towards my objectives in life.
As we near the end of our college days, the old adage refers to seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Is it really the light at the end of a tunnel, or is it the realization that we have picked up another tool on our journey to guide us through the rest of the winding tunnel? Ohh the overwhelming despair in our eyes as what seemed to be the end of the tunnel, was in actuality a battery operated piece of hope.
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The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised.
- George F. Will
Monday, December 17, 2007
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