it has been a while....

I feel alone....I know I'm alone

I've sought out this blog several times based in China and it has taken several attempts through the great firewall that I've actually made it through.

I look back on these several years since college and so much has passed by since that first day that I started working and officially moved away from my parents protective microcosm. Six years later, I managed to move farther away to a distant country, that despite all the tell-tale signs that I should leave for fear of health related concerns, I still muster up the courage to flounder around in this industrial wasteland.

Key highlights to this past two years in China

1) I found a job that I enjoy sincerely, my boss, my coworkers, the line of the work I do. It is finally an area where I'm interested in and entrepreneurial enough that I can have a say in making a deep impact into an already successful business... I look forward to the day that I've gained enough knowledge to lead the business into the next level of expansion

2) I'm tired of living in China, but I can't imagine moving back to the states.  I know I miss the green grass, clean food, and suburbia lifestyle that I once was spoiled with. Every time I see that american movie with the row of neighborhood houses with front and backyards lawns, a little part dies in me knowing that I'm missing out on the comfortable life that I gave up moving out to the Orient.

3)I've been cheated so many times here in China, plain sight robberies don't even phase me. I witnessed a woman get run over by a fruit truck 30 feet from me the other day... the first thing that came to mind was if I go over and help them, will they still my wallet or will they blame me for their injuries..... it was one of those moments that you say ....."you know you've live in China to long when....."

4)I've used school as my cover to hide my recent absence of social integration... but essentially there are other reasons why I can't seem to hold a deep connection with society these days: one being the transient nature of living in a metropolitan city, two being the reset onset of all my other good friends being plucked away one by one to the fairy tale life of having a family, and the third being something more personal that I'm unwilling to share at this point.